The problem with sex and glitter

From phone cases to vaginal pills, we know glitter can be harmful – so why do we love it so much?

Last month a doctor was compelled to tell women not to put glitter pills inside their vaginas and once again I was reminded of Stephen Hawking’s prediction that humans are heading for extinction. 2017: the year Earth learned why we’re not allowed nice things. Passion Dust Intimacy Capsules are “small, sparkleised capsules that dissolve when inserted into the vagina and release the sweet sparkle that is Passion Dust”. Basically you piss heaven.

They sold out immediately, hence gynaecologist Dr Jen Gunter explaining exactly how and why glitter has no place in the vagina. If her name sounds familiar, it’s perhaps because she is the person who has, breathing a sigh the size of Center Parcs, decided to take on Gwyneth Paltrow’s Goop, clarifying the problems with (among other things) their suggestions to steam your vagina before inserting jade eggs inside you for better sex. Glitter, though. Is that what men want, after the candles are lit and the Baileys is drunk? A dick like a disco ball? Would their reaction not be, as I’m pretty sure mine would, when he looks down at this scene like a shattered car windscreen, shock that they were transitioning into some sort of unicorn sex robot, then existential dismay as their genitals glinted shyly in their knickers for months afterwards? It’s not for nothing that Ship Your Enemies Glitter (a company that sends an envelope of glitter through the post, to coat recipients in sparkling debris upon opening) is so popular. Anyway, post-vajazzle, it seems, glitter has migrated deeper into the curious woman, like a feminist metaphor gone rogue.

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Article by Eva Wiseman,

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